Advocacy & Support for

Borderline Personality Disorder
& Complex Trauma


See page 2 for links to more Carer information including a series of short videos answering common questions and information about skills that families and significant others can learn that will help them to relate to and support someone with BPD.

See carer services - click on your State on the map of Australia

When someone you know has been diagnosed with a borderline personality disorder
BPD Carer Booklet published by Spectrum (Vic) 2022.

What the research shows. Work with families and carers of people with BPD

Presentation by A/Prof Jo Beatson at our Annual Meeting in 2018. A/Prof Josephine Beatson is a Consultant Psychiatrist and Psychoanalytic Psychotherapist who has worked in the field of Personality Disorders over many years. She is particularly interested in how early childhood experiences influence personality development in the direction of health or pathology and in what psychotherapeutic treatments are able to achieve through treatment of these disorders. A/Prof Beatson has supervised, taught and published widely in this area and is regarded as one of Australia’s foremost authorities in the field.

Family Connections (NEA BPD Australia)This is a free, 12-week course that meets weekly for two hours to provide education, skills training, and support for people who are in a relationship with someone who has BPD.  Available in a variety of locations. Email to register your interest. 

Carer's Gateway is the national carer service which provides reliable information specifically for carers. Funded by the Australian Government, Carer Gateway offers a website and phone service for carers to access practical information and support. You can contact the Carer Gateway by calling 1800 422 737, Monday to Friday, 8am-6pm or by visiting  NB this service is not specifically related to mental health.  Brochure.

A Practical Guide for Working with Carers of People with a Mental Illness

The Australian Government’s Mental Health Reform plan recognises the need to involve and support mental health carers, as they are a crucial component of any partnership approach to service delivery.

This guide was created ‘to enhance practice, particularly in engaging, supporting and working with carers in all areas in which mental health care is provided’ and has been developed as a partnership between consumers and carers, representative staff of public and private mental health services and the community managed sector. 

Self Help Addiction Resource Centre (SHARC)Website provides support for people experiencing addiction and their family, friends, community and workers.

Family and Friend Support Program
An online program developed by the University of  Newcastle designed for people supporting a loved one who uses alcohol and/or other drugs.

Family Drug Support
Has a national phone line and support groups around Australia.

Strategies for Families and Carers relating to someone with BPD factsheet

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a term used to describe a pattern of problems that usually start in adolescence or early adulthood and affect most areas of life, causing the person (and often those close to them) significant distress over a number of years. With early diagnosis, appropriate treatment and support the likelihood of symptom remission and/or recovery is good.

Studies now show that a combination of factors may lead to a person developing BPD and this can vary from person to person. These factors include our genetic makeup, which we are born with, early life experiences (which may or may not include experiences of neglect, abuse, loss or trauma), and various social factors.

It is important to know and accept that people with BPD often have a heightened sensitivity to what is said, to body language, facial expressions and to situations. This may result in their reactions appearing impulsive or volatile. Keep in mind this is a part of the illness and it is important for carers to remain calm and try to understand why the person with BPD is reacting the way they are. Just as it is important for those with BPD to keep in mind that BPD is an illness. Responding with anger or perceived rejection can escalate the situation.

• When a person with BPD is in a crisis - remain CALM.

* Communication - Keep an open line of communication.
* Acceptance - of the person’s distress and they are trying to manage their emotions to the best of their ability at that moment.
* Listening- to what the person is really saying to you.
* Mindful - the person may be feeling more vulnerable and distressed than you would in a similar situation.

• Separate the person’s thoughts and feelings from their behaviours. This makes it easier to really hear the emotional distress and to not respond to just their actions.

• Maintaining a respectful attitude towards the person with BPD and let them know that you genuinely value and care about them.

• Learn to identify your own triggers and how you can manage them when a situation is becoming difficult. If you can keep your own cool, it can help prevent a situation from worsening

• Encourage the person with BPD to develop an action plan between themselves and a mental health professional (and yourself – if appropriate) that includes what to do in a crisis situation. A written action plan helps to ensure that risks are minimised and safety networks and responses are in place.

• Strategies can be developed when everyone is calm and communication between you and the person is open and clear.

• If it’s not an appropriate time, reassure the person that you want to have a conversation and suggest an alternative time and place to do so. It is very important to keep to your agreement.

• When the person is calm, discuss what they perceive to be their emotional triggers and how these triggers may be understood or recognised in future.

• Be clear about your own limits of acceptable behaviour. Avoid the blame and shame game. No-one likes to be put-down.

• When you make a mistake, acknowledge it and use this as a learning tool to explore other alternatives for your own behaviour.

• Practice self-care tips by taking time out from your caring role perhaps meeting up with a friend for coffee and allowing yourself some leisure time.

• Learn about BPD to help you understand and accept what is happening. Education also improves communication with the person, the family and others outside the family, especially mental health professionals. Speaking to other carers, reading, workshops and BPD carer support groups may be useful.

• Seek professional assistance to support you in your carer role.

Emotions Matter (USA)

BPD Loss Support Group (meets online) for carers whose family member has died due to BPD:

The death of a someone we love with BPD is often unexpected and always traumatic. The cause of death varies, but suicide and drug-related deaths are the most common. Due the impulsivity of BPD, a variety of factors may contribute.

This tragic end of life often punctuates years, even decades, of intense trauma for all involved. Families and friends are left behind to deal with deep grief, despair, and guilt.

This group meets to...

Support without judgement
Share our experience
Offer and receive compassion
Learning from each other what has helped us cope along the way

Discussion afterwards will focus on support, resources, and coping strategies with an emphasis on sharing lived experiences in a judgement free, compassionate environment.

Space is limited to 15 participants. Pre-Registration required to receive Zoom meeting Password and Link.


Transcend is a parent led, peer support network for the families of transgender children in Australia. Click here to download their Guide for Parents and Carers or find appropriate professional support for your state. (Not BPD specific).